official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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