Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
