just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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