2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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