Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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