GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
