Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
