Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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