The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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