Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So squirting runs in the family.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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