she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
