Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
