My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
