Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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