maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
