maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
