I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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