so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
