Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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