Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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