Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
