it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
