I cockslap morals
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fuck appropriateness.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
