Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
