i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
