I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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