I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
