Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
