I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
