No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
