i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
