The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We need to get me chipped asap
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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