The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
