I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
