their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
