Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
