I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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