please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
