okay pat passed out under dana's car
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
