You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
