we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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