My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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