i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
