HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
