Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
