This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
