why do cheetos always look like penises
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
