His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sext me about skeletons
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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