Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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