Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
