AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
