Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
