I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
