dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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