I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
