so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
