she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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