What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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