There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
