So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
