The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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