Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
FUCK WHALES
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
