it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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