i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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