This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
