I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
