So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize