Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
